L is for “The Life of a Showgirl”

August 22, 2025

Okay. Here’s a long one. Stick with me and let me know what you think.

In October 2023, my daughter invited me to go see “Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour,” a concert film documenting, well duh, Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. I had zero interest in Taylor Swift’s music but was 100% interested in doing anything with my daughter that she would invite me to - plus I was curious, based on what I had heard, about what the audience might be like.

Would the moms and young daughters be dressed up to reflect their favorite era? (Well, at the time I didn’t even know what that meant, the whole era concept.) Would there be other 70-year-old women there? Would there be any boys and men in attendance? It sounded like it would be fun! And we were newly out of COVID – first time either of us had been in an actual theater since March 2020.

It was great fun all around – watching the audience and getting exposed for the first time to the music and lyrics of Taylor Swift. I became intrigued about this woman, and began to listen to more of her music. My curiosity came from my roles as a mom and grandmother, and as a psychologist who used to work with lots of teens who struggled with relationships, identity, life in general. Her work was touching many people in very positive ways. I read a New York Times Opinion Column entitled “Taylor Swift has Rocked My Psychiatric Practice” that described how therapy clients brought in themes and stories from Taylor’s work to help them understand their own situations.

What was also so interesting to me was just thinking about her creativity – the volume and, more importantly, the substance. Her work reflected the growth of a young girl into adulthood, the ways that she responded to big challenges in her life and career, and the development of increasing self-awareness and confidence. And always a deepening generosity. No wonder so many people of all ages felt seen and supported by her and her work. (I also wondered how her parents, her mother in particular, managed the whole “parenting of a tremendously gifted kid” assignment!)

Are you still reading? I promise - there is a point here!

Several days ago, I accidentally came across the New Heights podcast episode featuring Taylor Swift. The podcast, for those who don’t know, is hosted by Taylor’s boyfriend, Travis Kelce, and his brother, Jason. In this episode, Taylor described a recent major milestone in her life – she was able finally to buy back her “masters” – the full documentation of all of her work including photos, music, recordings, hand-written notes. Her life’s work. AND she announced that, while on tour, she had completed a new album to be released in October – “The Life of a Showgirl.”

I have no idea what the quality of this album might be. Yes, I will probably listen to it, but the album itself is not what is of interest to me right now. What IS of interest are the varied reactions to the announcement about it and what these reactions say about us.

Unsurprisingly, uproarious joy erupted across the Taylor-smitten world. If you know, you know.

Also, unsurprisingly and sadly, there is a lot of noise from the “haters.” One particular line of conversation focused on – how can anyone pay any attention to this right now when there is so much horrible stuff going on in the world? Anyone who would care about Taylor Swift and her life and work has no substance, lives a shallow and trivial life of selfishness, is not worthy. Grow up and focus on the important work that needs to be done.

Yes. There is important work that needs to be done.

AND. Think about it. Mature people can do the important work while also feeling joy and excitement in their lives. They can do meaningful actions, work very hard, and also rest and dance and sing. This is possible, and even desirable. People who don’t take time out of heavy emotion-laden work to replenish themselves often experience burn-out with its associated physical and emotional symptoms. They, the people around them, and the work suffer.

In my therapy work, I often shared a simple book with children and teens (and with adults as well) – “Double-Dip Feelings: Stories to Help Children Understand Emotions.” The idea is that we sometimes like to have an ice-cream cone with more than one flavor – and sometimes one flavor is better than the other, and maybe one tastes yucky. That is - at any age, about any subject or situation, humans can experience more than one emotion at the same time – and also more than one thought, for that matter. And sometimes these thoughts or feelings are in conflict with one another.

A young child may love, be entranced by, a new baby brother or sister, and at the same time feel jealousy and even yearn for the times before the baby came.

An adult might feel regret, anger, or sorrow about a marriage that has ended, and still be absolutely in love with and feel grateful for the amazing children who came from that union.

We can love our Jewish friends and family members and understand the importance of Israel to them, and at the same time detest what is happening in Gaza.

We can admire and respect our Constitution, be proud of the progress in human rights that we have made since its inception, and also feel anger and frustration about how far we still have to go to close the distance between the ideals in the Constitution and the reality of how our nation is functioning – especially now with the regressions in basic civil and human rights that are occurring.

We can be excited about new music, art, films, about parties and games with friends, about new babies and graduations, and still feel very sad and angry about the state of the world right now.

Humans can hold more than one emotion, more than one thought – which are often in conflict with one another – at the same time. As we mature, we learn to grapple with the complexity of real life, to explore these tensions, and to consider how to get to better places through learning more, talking with other people, taking risks of doing things differently.

It is really really hard to do that in a society that has become increasingly governed by news and social media and human conversations that reflect simplistic black-and-white thinking, renounce facts and education and intelligence, and promote divisiveness.

But I invite us all to do a couple of things…

Let yourself acknowledge the complexity of your emotions and thoughts about what is going on. It is complicated and chaotic, ever-changing. I often experience whip-lash as my thoughts and feelings bounce around, bumping into each other. But this is okay and it is certainly healthier than lopping off the challenging thoughts and feelings so that everything fits neatly together. It doesn’t - that isn’t reality. So let yourself sit with the complexity and be kind to yourself as you wrestle with it. And remember that others are dealing with all of this as well. Let’s give grace.

AND.

Let yourself step away for moments. Listen to music, read books, watch TV (just finished three seasons of Sullivan’s Crossing, which is like a Hallmark movie on steroids), play with your grandkids, go out into nature, cook and eat good food, spend time with friends, take a nap … you know what gives respite, what fills you back up so that you can continue the work that is important to you and your community. Do it.

I will let you know what I think of, what I feel about “The Life of a Showgirl” on October 4!

Photo: "Double-Dip Feelings" - it is still being published!